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The feeling of guilt overpowers everything in my life
It doesnt let me live it doesnt let me die
It doesnt allow happiness to seep in, nor does it make way for despair to leave
Guilt, built from the age of 4 ;The roots are strong,
Uprooting will kill the tree too since it is already 23
Guilt, built due to fear of inadequacy; fear that ur sibling is more loved than u and u slowly start detesting their achievements, their growth, them!
Guilt, built from being aggressive with ur sibling, because u know they are better than u and maybe being the “older child” is the only superior feeling u will ever have.
Guilt, from years of temper tantrums, wrist slashing and overdosing. Maybe ending ur life would make it easier for other people and you
Guilt, because everytime u try explaining that u have changed, and snap! All it takes is a second, to be dragged down again.
Guilt, built from so many broken promises not that you didnt mean them, but y bother, if the other person doesnt trust u anyway
Guilt because u are an over-achiever with a really depressed mind. Which can be like a magnet. One part pushes u to work till exhaustion while the other part makes sure u cant even breathe!
Guilt because all ur hopelessness is considered laziness and u just keep accumulating work after work because ur mind is dead
Guilt built from hearing people talk of under privileged people, less fortunate and make u hate urself even more because now u consider urself a spoiled brat. (If u were a brat, you would have never felt bad about it)
Guilt from all the dates u cancelled, all the outings u backed out, all people u avoided and every day u missed in life by just being in bed.
Guilt from pep talks, guilt because some one is still being nice to me, guilt because you dont even know what is right or wrong and all u want to do i die and make everything fine but people just wont let u do that
They will ask u to fight, be strong, be brave, if that doesnt work, they will emotionally blackmail u, talk about ur family and friends, and if that doesnt work, they will start calling u names, coward, bygone, careless, and if that also doesnt work, they will lock you up saying you are dysfunctional and can be a threat to yourself and everyone.
What a beautiful world we live in, my love!
They will spare u death, but make sure ur mind and body are troubled in such a way, that u finally become numb!

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